


promise

by w96zi



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, im blessedtdtdt by my best friend's writing skiLLz, kudos to her, this is her work actually, this is just
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 15:27:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13056792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/w96zi/pseuds/w96zi
Summary: all my life people made promises and broke them, but yours hurt the most. you know why? because i actually believed i could fix you.





	promise

**Author's Note:**

> very loosely based off the article 'the law of choice' in the english textbook 'philippine literature 7'
> 
> this was written by my friend isabel ! ! she wrote this and showed it to me and i was AMAZED ! !

promise  
prom·ise  
ˈpräməs/  
noun  
plural noun: promises  
a declaration or assurance that one will do a particular thing or that a particular thing will happen.

everyone makes them. the six-year-old child in the playground, linking their pinkies together, promising their companion that they’ll always be best friends. the single parent in front of the pet store display, promising “when you’re old enough”. the young couple laying in peaceful silence next to each other in bed, painting pictures of a promising future filled with sun kissed days and rosy cheeked children. 

_you made a promise to me too, remember?_ jihoon thought. _because i do, clear as day._

it was a friday afternoon when soonyoung wordlessly took jihoon out for a spin. the whole drive soonyoung was silent, except for the time he offered jihoon a cigarette. but that’s not important. soonyoung aggressively pulled up at the river, and jihoon honestly thought he was going to jump, but instead soonyoung sat down at the river’s edge, patting the stony surface next to him.

“let me tell you a story…” soonyoung started. and so jihoon inched closer, all ears. soonyoung told jihoon about how happy he was as a child. he told jihoon how he always knew he had problems, but pushed them away because he lived a rose-colored life. and then soonyoung didn’t. 

because one day, he snapped at his sister, then he snapped at his father. and soonyoung told jihoon how his mother just held him tight and told him that he wasn’t in trouble. he told jihoon so many things. how he’s grown into his temper, how he’s questioned his sanity, how his father deprived him of the help he was convinced he needed, how his mother’s _you’re not in trouble_ over time turned into _you’re not a monster._ soonyoung found it quite funny that she thought the monster he was referring to was himself. he shunned his faith after it all, didn’t he? he even admitted that he planned to attempt suicide for the third time the day he met jihoon. 

and then soonyoung started crying. first, the tears rolled down one by one. then the tears turned into sobs, and the sobs turned into incoherent screams. and jihoon just sat there, watching soonyoung ruin himself.

finally, when he got over his self-torture, he gently took jihoon’s hand and declared, “We need food.” so he opened the door to the driver’s side, but jihoon stopped him. there was no way he would let soonyoung drive in his current state. 

they pulled up at the nearest convenience store (a 7-eleven at a gas station). but hungry as they were, they decided to stay inside for a little bit.

“i’m getting better.” soonyoung said. if jihoon’s memory serves him right, then soonyoung was shaking. jihoon faintly recalls grabbing soonyoung’s hands in assurance, but he didn’t seem to notice.

“you’ll be okay.” jihoon assured, looking into soonyoung’s eyes. _oh, his eyes._ jihoon could go on about them forever, but that’s not important. 

“i’ll be okay.” soonyoung repeated it over and over like a dying man’s prayer. But was he reciting a mantra, or was he just trying to convince himself?

when jihoon thought it was okay to leave soonyoung for a bit, he got walked out of the car and into the store. the whole time jihoon was in there, he was worried. jihoon knew soonyoung had a bottle of pills in the glove compartment, and while he didn’t think soonyoung had liquid with him, jihoon still freaked out. so when he came back to the car (the 1970 nissan fairlady z, a beauty) and found soonyoung sitting on the hood, jihoon felt relieved. 

“you bought slurpies.” soonyoung noted, reaching for one. but jihoon knew soonyoung. soonyoung’s always like this; every time he sees food, he makes a grab for it. jihoon pulled it back quick enough.

“promise me something first.” jihoon demanded. jihoon remembers how soonyoung laughed. he couldn’t tell if it was in disbelief or something else, but it was a good sound nonetheless.

“promise you something? what are we, six?” and although the temperature was eighty something degrees, soonyoung looked like it just dropped. 

“promise me something.” jihoon said, harder, firmer. that was usually the only way to get soonyoung to listen to jihoon.

“promise me you’ll get better.” the longer soonyoung stared at jihoon, the quicker jihoon’s patience grew thin.

“okay,” soonyoung gave in. “i promise.”

so there, on that day, sitting on the hood of soonyoung’s fairlady, they clinked their cheap paper cups together. and jihoon decided that there was hope for soonyoung. 

_but tell me._ jihoon thinks. _what happens when the child turns eight and leaves their best friend for someone better? what happens when the child comes of age and never gets the pet from their parent? what happens when your significant other isn’t there the next morning? and the next, and the next, until the promise of a bright future is there no more. but more importantly, what happens when you don’t get better? what happens when your sister shows up tearfully at my doorstep telling me you broke your promise? what happens when i find your fairlady parked exactly where it was the day before? what happens when you do the thing i fear the most?_

_well, i’ll tell you what happened to me. my best friend turned eight and left me wondering if pinkie promises held any relevance or if they were just some made up gesture to hide a lie; i got my pet, but not from my mom; and sometimes i look back and think that it wasn’t her fault, but a promise is a promise, no matter how you twist it; and the person i thought was the one wasn’t there when i woke up, and that was when i stopped believing in love and empty promises. i was told that promises were made because of love. which is funny, because whenever i remember you, i knew i loved you. i just wasn’t sure in what way; even though sometimes, i sit back and stare at the ceiling thinking, promises are overrated._

jihoon walked slowly towards soonyoung’s grave, crouching and setting down the flowers-- sunflowers, which reminded jihoon of how happy soonyoung was all the time.-- he had gotten.

_all my life people made promises and broke them, but yours hurt the most. you know why? because i actually believed i could fix you._


End file.
